Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
