Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You left your phone here
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