I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
