She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
