Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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