Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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