She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
