the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
