Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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