My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
