YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We left an ass print on the piano.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
