I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
