Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
