dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
