Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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