i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
