i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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