Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You're like the curious george of whores
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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