did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
