You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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