it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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