i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
