she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
