It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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