But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
