Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
