Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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