I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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