Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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