I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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