I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
