I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
