Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
