I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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