my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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