apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
