fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
