We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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