Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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