They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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