Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I am spending my child support on dildos
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
