Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
