A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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