i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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