i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
