Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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