Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
