They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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