Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
