My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
