I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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