We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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