All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
