I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
