well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
