Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
