Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
