Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
