Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
