Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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